March 30th, 2008

jlm hot

Facebook.

Dear Ex-Acquaintences that I never really gave a toot about anyway,

When I open up my email every few days I roll my eyes to see yet another friend request from someone that barely spoke three words (if any at all) to me in highschool and / or primary school.

You want to be my friend? Why? Surely you jest!

Either one of two things happen that make me want to punch you all in the groin and be on my merry way.

The first is a stupid message that says almost always the same thing, "Hiiiiiiiii J! It's been so long since I've spoken to you!!! What are you doing these days?" ...No, you dumb shit, this is the first time you've spoken to me probably ever - and secondly, the "about me" section that briefly describes my life in a nutshell will answer your stupid and inane question. As if you even care what I'm up to! Is it too hard to trouble your mustard-seed sized brain in to actually giving someone's MODEST (unlike your fifty thousand application-encumbered profile) profile a quick going over? Oh and wait... once I've answered you (if I can resist the urge to stab myself in the eyeballs with a blunt stick for long enough) what's that? Oh.... that's right -- Nothing! ... And I don't hear from you again ... Well except of course, on the daily occasion when you jam up my fracking home page with all of those unending, ridiculous and unnecessary frigging group invites to "zomg join this group that will support Sally Smith of Dickworth, Canada in the removal of her testicles without any anaesthesia for the sake of live tv" and application invites to find out what my name would be if I were as skanky as you were in highschool.

And the other thing that occurs is nothing at all. That's right. You don't send any wall message, any private messages ... You don't even send me a fish for my aquarium that I was pressured in to joining by your other 50 retarded highschool friends, that btw you are still knocking around with and talking about the same shit that you were 15 yrs ago now.... And you retire me to thinking to myself, "Wow, do people actually truly add people to make their friend numbers higher?"

I am still unsure as to which of these two I would prefer. But I'll tell you what would be the ultimate goal? ... If you just stop requesting my friendship. Honesty is a bitch, and I have a good hold of my tongue, thankfully -- but sometimes idiocy deserves to be revealed to the entire internet public.

Go play in your stupid virtual garden..